Resisting What Is
The gap between “should” and reality is where so much of our negative emotion lives.
Frustration. Resentment. Sadness. Guilt. Shame. Self-righteousness. Embarrassment. Anger. Annoyance. Disappointment.
If you spent just a few days noticing your should thoughts -- “They should have,” “I shouldn’t have,” “it should,” “this shouldn’t be like this” - you might be surprised by how often you tell yourself things shouldn’t be the way they are. (And look out for thoughts that don’t actually have “should” in them but still argue that things or people aren’t the way they are supposed to be.)
Being a human being will always involve some pain and suffering. But not all of the pain and suffering we experience is required.
The kind of suffering that comes from arguing with reality isn’t required.
Accepting the way things are, what has happened, and what other people have done and said, allows you to get to the clean pain.
To get to how you really feel about whatever it is.
To understand what you are making it mean.
To move through it.
To decide how you want to show up.
To decide how you want to feel about it.
The dirty pain that you add on top by expecting or wishing things were different is discretionary.
You get to decide whether to add it on or leave it off.
And to be clear, acceptance isn’t tolerance. Or indifference.
In fact, from a place of acceptance, you can actually decide what you are willing to tolerate and implement change without all the drama of what it means that things are the way they are, that people are the way they are and do what they do.
A ❤️ note to you: We all wish that we, other people, and the world would just show up in way that would allow us to feel good all the time. Totally normal human brain thing to do. I wish I could make that happen for you, but I can’t. What I can do, however, is help you learn where you are unnecessarily adding the dirty pain of believing things and people should be different, and help you learn how to accept it and then decide how you want to think, feel, and show up about it. To get started, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a consult at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.
